When Aligned Change Still Hurts: Grieving the Old While Embracing the New
There’s a certain kind of change that feels extra complicated.
Not the change that comes from crisis or chaos—but the kind that comes from alignment. The kind you chose.
You applied for the job.
You ended the relationship.
You moved to a new city.
You said yes to the opportunity.
You grew your family.
You stepped away from something that no longer fit—even if it once did.
You made a conscious, grounded decision... and still, there’s grief.
Maybe you didn’t expect it. Maybe you even feel a little guilty about it. After all, shouldn’t you feel nothing but gratitude when you’re stepping into something that aligns more deeply with your values, your family, or your future?
But here’s the truth: alignment doesn’t cancel out grief. And grief doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong choice.
It just means you’re a full, feeling human being.
Let’s Talk About the “Yes” No One Sees
Over the last few months, I’ve said a big yes—to more time with my family, to more space for creativity, to a slower and more intentional rhythm of work.
These were choices I made from a place of clarity, care, and purpose. And still?
The changes have come with loss.
I recently stepped away from a clinical role I loved with a team I deeply respected. I also opened my heart (and home) to a new foster placement—something I knew would stretch and shape our entire family.
I’m grateful for every single piece of this season. And I’m also tired, emotionally full, and quietly grieving the version of my life that no longer exists.
Because here’s what’s often overlooked in the world of “following your dreams” or “choosing what matters most”:
Even good decisions come with a cost.
You’re Allowed to Mourn What You Let Go Of
We live in a world that tends to frame change in extremes:
“If you’re sad, maybe it wasn’t the right choice.”
“If you miss it, you probably made a mistake.”
“If you were meant to grow, it shouldn’t feel this hard.”
But that’s not how the human experience works. At least not for those of us who lead with empathy, depth, and heart.
Here’s a more helpful reframe:
You can love what you left behind and still need to leave it.
You can miss a role, a rhythm, or a relationship even if it wasn’t sustainable anymore.
You can grieve while standing firmly in your decision—and in your power.
The ache you feel isn’t weakness. It’s reverence. It’s a sign that what came before mattered, and that your values are guiding you toward what matters next.
Alignment Isn’t Always Comfortable—But It Is Honest
One of the most challenging aspects of making values-aligned decisions is that the external world doesn’t always reflect your internal shift.
You may not get applause. You may get questions.
You may not get a clear path forward. You may get resistance.
You may not feel instant joy. You may feel foggy or unsure.
And all of that is okay.
The measure of alignment isn’t how easy your decision feels—it’s how true it feels.
Does it bring you closer to the life you’re trying to build?
Does it honor your current capacity, priorities, and relationships?
Does it reflect your actual needs—not just your obligations or titles?
If the answer is yes, then keep going. Keep building. Keep grieving and celebrating and holding space for all the in-between.
What This Season Is Teaching Me
In a season of transition, here’s what I’m practicing:
Letting my feelings be information, not interference. When grief shows up, I don’t fight it. I listen. I write. I make space.
Naming what I’m releasing. Roles. Rhythms. Expectations. They all deserve acknowledgment—even if they no longer serve.
Asking for support. From mentors, friends, and peers who get it. (Big love to those who hold space for me when I don’t have tidy answers.)
Trusting that the discomfort is part of the recalibration. New seasons require new boundaries, new habits, and new grace. And that takes time.
A Note to You, If You’re Navigating a Similar Shift
Maybe you’ve made a bold decision recently.
Maybe you’ve stepped away from something that looked “good on paper” but didn’t fit anymore.
Maybe you’re in the messy middle—holding onto hope while navigating heartbreak.
I see you.
And I want to remind you of this:
Just because something hurts doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Just because you miss it doesn’t mean you made a mistake.
Just because you chose it doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.
Give yourself permission to feel it all.
And when the fog clears—even just for a moment—trust that your clarity will return. Your energy will come back. And your life will start to feel like yours again.
A Final Thought (and a Journal Prompt)
Here’s a question I’ve been sitting with lately—maybe it’ll serve you, too:
What have I said yes to, and what has that yes asked me to let go of?
Write it down. Name it. Honor it.
Because the truth is: growth isn’t just about addition. It’s also about subtraction—letting go of what no longer fits, even when it’s hard.
I’m in it with you.
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